Anti-feminism.. Confessions of a former-(sort-of)-feminist

I was surfing through videos on youtube, as usual, and I stumbled upon this channel by a lady called Karen Straughan. She identifies herself as an anti-feminist and her videos blew my mind, to say the least. She talks about how feminism is causing more trouble than preserving women's interests. And truth be told, I wouldn't have paid any attention if it was a man saying these things. To give her some credit, she has immaculate logic and a calm voice which is hard to ignore. Since I have been a small girl I have been exposed to feminism, which appeared to be a progressive mordern-thinking which stood for women's rights and equality for women. Though I never identified myself as a feminist, for some psychological reason I felt an obligation as a female to stand by feminism and with it came a feeling which was very close to misandry. 

I forced myself to be this strong-independent-snooty-repulsive woman that I am today. I say, I never identified as a feminist, but a large part of me wanted to be a part of it because it was the 21st century thing.  I wanted to defy all rules, stand out of the crowd. And ironically enough, now I find myself in this crowd of confused trying-to-be-mordern sort-of-feminist women who think it's ok to treat men badly because you know, revenge, for 'some bad thing' some guy did to some girl in the past. Don't take me wrong. I am all for standing up against cruelties done to women. But do we have to blame and hate every guy we come across for it. I now find men around me to be so afraid to say anything against feminism, in the fear of being branded as old-fashioned or misogynist. And by the way, have you ever seen a man whining or complaining about the amount of work they have to do? Oh they cannot crib or cry, they are men! In comparison, we, women, are so much more whiny. We are not happy when we have to be in the safety of our home, we are not happy when we have to go out and work. We want everything served to us in a silver platter. And when it is served we complain about how the 'guy' forgot to serve wine with it.

Let me deal with some facts from my own life now. My parents made me study and work hard in my academics, for which I am very grateful today, which led me to have a great job, that I love, and be financially independent. They also taught me not to be overtly friendly with "boys", which was great too, as it only helped me to stay focused on my studies. But with it and all the feminism around me, I started to see men as dangerous predators, at best and a different species who are disgusting, lazy and moronic, at worst. Whenever a guy did something nice for me, I saw that as either a threat, as to them having some ulterior motive behind the kindness, or just thought them to be weaklings and not good enough for my attention. My ultimate goal was to pick out the strong men and destroy them. Though I am against all kinds of hatred at heart, I just couldn't make peace with this one. Because, you see, how else can you stand by the rights of a cat to be treated as well as a dog, if you don't see how dogs are dangerous and filthy while cats are so benign and cute. But all along the truth is there are both kinds in both species.

Feminism also, in actuality, is belittling the jobs of a home-maker. I, as naive (and also lazy) as I am, always bought this one without a question. I always felt that house-wives led a very lowly lives which drove me to be what I am today - a career-woman, which is great as an individual but to-date I abhor doing household chores. Why should I work at home, when I am working in office? Why should I work twice as hard as a man? Well news flash. Life is supposed to be hard. If it's not, you are not moving forward in life. Right now, I am not even working as hard as a man, forget being twice. I don't stay up late in office to get a promotion. I don't make any efforts to socialize with the manager to get into his good books. I live in a 3 bedroom flat with 2 other room-mates along with a maid and a cook. While my male-counterparts, live in a 1 bedroom flat with 4 room-mates and no servants, just so that they can save for their future families or may be even support the present one, whatever their reason for it be they have it hard, just to make a living.

So, what I am trying to say here is this - Whoever you are, feel free to follow your instincts without feeling obliged or answerable to anything or anyone, and don't follow anything anyone says unless you have heard the other end of the argument.

Tag me not...

Recently one of my frns called me a feminist and i started to think, am i really??... I think not... Most girls are.. But i believe in individualism... I believe that each person is first an individual with his/her own thoughts that have developed over years pertaining to the culture and environment that one has lived through, his/her actions that result from the profound gift of thought and the various other factors that make up a person. After that comes the question of being a girl or a boy... It is very disheartening to see people discriminating on the basis of gender and ignoring the finer details that make up a person...

Its a new world...

Im finally in Pune... working... Its been 1month and 11 days... got my first salary... but dont know wat to do wid it... :P :P

Life's good... actually its gr8, amazing, awesome... never been better... Its like the dreamland dat i hv been dreaming (day-dreaming) about all my life... I hv my flat (no hostels).. da view from the balcony is just superb... hills all around... clean roads... constant cool wind... da not too cold, not too hot weather... its heaven!!!

Everything's gr8... da only thing im afraid of is when all dis will come to an end... b'coz i've heard dat gud things dont last... and da life i hv now is da best thing ever happened to me... all i cn do is pray...

Ramblings of an idle mind...

I started to write about my life at the end of the college… But I then realized that I can’t do it… It seems simply not possible for me to write down the countless sundry of emotions, people and incidences of the college that have completely changed me and my life… neither would it be possible for me to do justice to all the people who have played such a humungous part in transforming me, no matter how short or insignificant a time I have spent with them… I can only think of a clichéd sentence that suits my feelings right now… the place wouldn’t have been the same if it weren’t for the people who made the experience beautiful…


It wasn’t even a week after I reached home… to be more precise 4 days after reaching home… I haven’t even started enjoying my vacations… haven’t even started the umpteen plans I had for the vacation… haven’t even come out of the nostalgia of leaving college… That one fine night I got the mail for joining the company within 15 days… all I could think that night was “Why Me???”…. I was so much looking forward for these vacations… with no useless training for nothing, these vacations were all that I thought and planned for during my exams… only thing that helped me sustain the awful end sems… All my plans down to drain in an email…

Then started the endless nerve-racking… should I accept or defer… where will I stay… with whom shall I stay… what about the food…conveyance…laptop… internet connection… were the basic thoughts in my mind…


The most difficult part was to show to my parents that I am confident about this when in reality my insides were cringing with doubts on my ability… My parents, like anyone else’s, want me to achieve heights but fear that I might stumble on the way… and this kept them uneasy about letting me go any farther than the nearest city… So I took it as my responsibility to show them that I was an adult and responsible enough to take care of myself…


I called some of the others who are also supposed to join with me… Everyone else seemed quite casual and almost indifferent… So then why was I freaking out…..? Take a breath.. I said to myself…breathe in and breathe out…


Now that the initial adrenaline has worn off… I feel quite peaceful and confident about myself… This is what I have always dreamt of since I was a girl… to have an independent life… to have money of my own to spend… to be able to help my dad in the home economics… to be able to buy gifts for mom with my money… to support myself while doing what I really like… it’s a dream come true for me… may be that is why I fear the most… because it is a big deal for me…

A pinch of...Nostalgia...

        I severe all my contacts once i have left a place...I havent visited any of my schools since i left them to join NIT,Raipur...I dont know if its a good thing or bad...Well, fate played an unforeseen game with me...My GATE center was my 11-12th std school KV, Bilaspur..so i finally had to go to the place i've been avoiding these last 4 years...My first concern was not to meet any of my old classmates, because i was not in a mood to make those meet-after-a-long-time squeals or to reply to any of those tiresome questions on why havent i kept in touch...and thankfully there was nobody to even qualify the hey-i-know-you 'nod'...Now that apart...I felt very uncharacteristically nostalgic to be back in those corridors where i had spent the 2 most trying years of my life...KV has its own unglamorous, yet enticing, facet that would overshadow any convent or international school...After 10 years of overtly disciplined convent schools, KV was a happy change in my life where the students werent punished for petty things like dirty shoes or a loose tie...where children are allowed to behave their age...Seriously, i would rather prefer children playing in the mud than those smarty pants with ujala-safedy dresses...KV was a whole new world for me...and i am glad i am a KV product(though only 16% of KV product)... hail Kendriya Vidyalaya Sangathan....

Its a long long road...

        I love long walks...I love taking long walks alone...It gives me time to think (and sometimes not to think)...to think about life, the universe, world peace, the ice-cream flavor that i love...My love for a walk extend to the point that I deliberately take distant destinations on foot...One day when i was in my one of those mindless strolls, a friend of mine offered me a lift on his bike...My first instinct was to refuse him but i couldnt bring myself to explain him my insane infatuation to taking long walks (even when the sun is blazing red hot above), moreover i am trying to mend my past forgotten friendships and also he is a bit sensitive so he would have been offended on my refusal, so i accepted...He dropped me to my hostel with many a advice on not to go into that area without any company as it was not considered "safe for girls" and how i can take a left and get a rickshaw to take me where i wanted to go etc. etc... I wanted to say a lot of things to him like i dont care if it is not "safe of girls" and it is one of my mad stupid whims to walk through the streets infamous for eve-teasers, alone, with my head held high...but i didnt say any of those things...I would be stupid to even think attempting to explain to the Y-chromosome species all of the intricacies of our mind and its thoughts...For one, they would never understand and for another, even if they do understand, they'd simply ridicule...

       Gender prejudice is one topic that i may have to live with throughout my lifetime...and sooner or later i may even succumb to it...Girls should do this...shouldnt do that...wear this...sit like this...stand like this...There is no end to the traditional conventions that the society thrust upon us...And when some girl goes against them and follows what her heart says is right, she is brutally criticized, made feel let down and becomes a topic for sneering jerks...But i am a person who likes to break all conventions and go against the tide...As father of our nation, Mahatma Gandhi, says "Be the change that you want to see in the world"...And as my dearest friend mm says "I dont give a damn"...


Disclaimer: Dont ask me who da frn ws...i'd rather not say...bcoz this blog is not about him...infact i think he ws really nice to first offer me da lift and was really sincere in giving me da advice...so plz dont go off da track of the theme of the blog...

Becoming Jane

I have always loved and admired Jane Austen's writing ever since i've read "Pride and Prejuidice". It is, no doubt, my favourite novel till date and always will be. Becoming Jane is a wonderful tribute to the, for the lack of adjectives, incredible authoress. I saw it this morning and thats when i suddenly had the urge to write my first blog. I've been stalling to start a blog from a long time but couldnt think of any heart-felt topic to write. Jane Austen's novels have always touched my soul.
It is not just about the novel or the story line but what i admire most in her novels are the leading female characters. They are all so independent, smart, never-afraid-to-speak-their-thoughts kind of woment that you can do nothing but gape in admiration. And this is the reason that girls really like Jane Austen's novels ...and well also because they wore such pretty dresses and had those wonderful balls.
I have always loved reading and even re-reading novels, and if i were born in a different era and favourable circumstances i would have surely been writing some too. But I am a very practical person or, should i say, bit of a coward to do anything different, so i chose to become an engineer. I have myself to blame and no body else for it. Nobody forced me to do engineering. I did it willingly. And as i come to think of it I do not regret what i am doing and never will. Because if i took writing as my profession i would have hated it too. May be then i would have wanted to become a painter. I never really know what i want from my life and i really admire and envy people who do. Jane Austen was one such person. In an era when the only thing thought appropriate for a woman to do was to get married suitably, she chose to write novels. In her short life, she wrote 6 novels which are still regarded as specimens of English literature. Now i wont be giving a biography of Jane Austen here when you can find it in wikipedia.
All i want to say is, kudos to people who know their heart and have the courage to follow their heart's desires. Keep loving and keep living your life to the fullest...